Let's get Christmas finished first, please

Wandering round our local park this evening as we walked our dogs, a friend of mine pointed out an advert for a confectionery item (no I'll not give them a free plug) which is basically aimed at Easter. I reckon this is just a little on the early side....

The Beagle Has Landed?

It's really starting to look a bit bleak for the Beagle 2 space probe. It should have landed on Mars in the early hours of Christmas day, but as yet nobody's been able to contact it.

There are two American probes due to land during next month. I hope they are more lucky...

So this is Christmas...

This is quite a difficult time for me. I'm not the biggest Christmas fan, partly because my Dad died on Christmas Eve.

I will enjoy the festive season I'm sure, but I think we ought to spare at least a thought for those whose Christmas won't be so merry.

Every Little Helps ?

We had the unenviable task yesterday night of popping along to our local Tesco supermarket to buy the last of our Christmas supplies. We'd only gone in to buy a couple of perishable items, having done the bulk of the shopping a week ago and it was just as well we did. It was mayhem!

Even before we'd gone into the place we were absolutely astonished to see another would-be shopper in the carpark, arguing with a member of staff. Apparently, he hadn't been able to find a shopping trolley, so on spotting a column of them being shepherded along, he approached the trolley-jockey to grab one. The Tesco's oik, to our amazement, wasn't having any of it and I thought they were about to come to blows.

Once we got inside the place, things were no better. We only needed a basket for our purchases but they didn't have any of those, either. Clearly the Durrington, West Sussex branch of Tesco weren't expecting to be busy just before Christmas !

POSTSCRIPT
Looks as if I'm not the only person who reckons that Tesco's is a bit of a letdown. Just after I wrote this posting I found this.

The Fourth Plinth

Driving up to London over the weekend to see my family, I was quite interested by a discussion on one of the radio stations. It concerned the empty plinth in Trafalger Square and what sort of statue should be placed upon it.

There were all sorts of suggestions, basically from the great and the good - though these definitions in a lot of cases would depend on one's political stance. Why not, though, go for something a little different ?

My proposal would be for something to commemorate the archetypal family, man & wife, 2.2 kids and a labrador ,as the saying goes. Make it as symbolic as you like and then it should be able to represent all of us.

Built-In Obsolescence ?

I remember when CDs first came out back in the 80s. At the time, one of their virtues which was often extolled was their longevity, to the extent that I seem to remember at least one review describing the things as indestructible.

Well, they ain't !

Of course I know that it's easy to damage discs by scratching them, but being careful should take care of that. What's just annoyed me was discovering yesterday that the silvering is coming away from one of the first CDs I ever bought. It's actually a double CD, and the problem does affect both of the discs.

In fairness, it has to be said that I bought the album in question (Seconds Out, the Genesis live album, if you were wondering) back in 1985 so I suppose it's lasted a fair while. All the same, if the bulk of my music collection is going to start decomposing, I will not be a happy bunny...

I'm Dreaming ...

As is traditional, people now seem to be speculating about the chance of us getting a White Christmas. In all my forty years, I can only remember one Christmas day where I saw snow on the ground - never mind what's on the roof of the London Met Centre, that's MY definition - and I was quite young, so I don't suppose that the chances are all that high. It would be nice if it did happen ...

Do the Wright thing

Tomorrow sees the centenary of the first ever flight by a powered aeroplane, the Wright brothers having first achieved this at Kitty Hawk with their kite-like device, the Flyer.

It's strongly rumoured that in a speech to mark this anniversary, George Bush will announce that American astronauts are to venture beyond Earth-orbit, perhaps back to the Moon or even on to Mars. What more fitting way to mark this occasion could there be?

Crimbo Blues

As the tone of at least one earlier posting of mine probably suggests, I'm not really a huge Christmas fan. One of the good things about the festive season, though, is that it does encourage one to make some kind of contact with various family members and friends.

To this end, I'm busily writing out our Christmas cards, which if we're honest I find a bit of a chore. Licking yet another envelope, the perfect way to encourage the like of me to get on with this task has occurred -

BEER FLAVOURED ENVELOPE GLUE !!

Saddamned ?

The future, such as it is, faced by Saddam Hussein seems to be causing widespread differences of opinion, thus continuing the pattern of reactions to the invasion of Iraq. The Iraqis most certainly want to put him on trial and it now appears that the Iranians would like him to face justice for war-crimes committed during the Iran-Iraq war of the early 80s. Additionally, I have read that the Israelis would also like Saddam to be tried for the 1991 Scud attacks against their cities.

I still believe that the Iraqis should be the ones to try the former dictator. It would appear likely that they will want to impose the death penalty. This is a difficult issue for me, as I'm opposed to the idea of capital punishment. Nevertheless, if this did come to pass, I'd shed no tears for the departure from this world of this odious monster. Double standards this may well be, but in this particular case my conscience would, I'm sure, rest easy.

Gottim!

I'm not remotely sorry to hear that the former Iraqi dictator has been caught. If anything, I'm a little surprised, though, as I tended to assume that if they did find him, he'd most likely be shot whilst "resisting" arrest.

I think that Saddam's capture does raise a couple of very important points:

1. What will happen to him? Reports seem to be saying that he will be tried by the Iraqis. This seems the best outcome and must be preferable to some long drawn-out spectacle of trial in America for example.

2. The future of the country. I'm not naive enough to think that everything will magically and suddenly settle down in Iraq. However, it's definitely needful that governance of the country is returned to its people as soon as is practical.

Bill Gates Beware !

Out of curiosity, a few days ago I tried running Knoppix. This is a version of Linux - a unix style operating system for PCs. The clever thing about this particular version is that you don't actually need to install anything on your PC - just stick the CD in the drive, boot off it and away you go.

I really was rather taken with this operating system. It's very configurable and has a good graphical interface. I reckon that it's no harder to use than Windows and it could very easily mature into a very capable desktop PC system. There's even a plugin called Crossover Office which allows you to run MS Office on a linux machine.

Microsoft's next version of Windows, currently called "Longhorn" will reputedly feature all sorts of clever bells and whistles. The problem is that it's likely to include some fairly stringent digital rights management and security systems, which could stop me from choosing exactly what I wish to use my computer for. It's still a few years away and by then Linux might well provide a very attractive alternative...

Road Pricing

Later today, Britain's first toll road will open. It parallels the existing M6, which is a horrendously busy stretch of road and ,if it would cut out the traffic jams, I'll be tempted to use it next time I'm heading that way. Presumably, there will be more such roads to come and, as long as there's an alternative route for those who can't or don't want to pay the tolls, I've no objection.

In fact, why not extend this principle of user pays? I can't see why the car tax we currently buy once or twice a year couldn't be replaced with a levy placed on petrol and diesel. For a start, it would catch the parasites who regard tax discs as an optional extra, and in addition those who use the roads the most would pay the most. It might even encourage people to choose more economical vehicles...

Time to lay this organisation to rest

There's a diplomatic furore currently ongoing regarding the expulsion of Zimbabwe from the British Commonwealth. Personally, I see nothing wrong with this - even by the standards prevalent in one-party circles I reckon that the Mugabe (mal)administration is a particularly odious regime.

Looking at the slightly wider picture, I find myself asking if there's any real point left to the Commonwealth anyway. For sure the countries making up its membership account for a little under one third of the world's population, but does it really achieve anything very much beyond allowing various politicians a platform upon which to preen and posture? Maybe it's time to dissolve it...

Why do we do it?

Whilst everybody else seems to be preparing for the Christmas season, I'm up to my neck in decorating. We moved into our house a little over seven years ago and we've been renovating and decorating ever since. Why do we do all this?

It can't be for showing off - we don't have that many visitors, and passing by outside you can't see in to tell the difference between our place and anybody else's. In any case, are we all really so shallow that we'd judge people by the colour of their walls or what sort of furniture they have?

Although the house isn't finished, we've already redone some of the decorating we first did just after we moved in, so I guess that this will remain an ongoing project...

Those TV makeover shows have a lot to answer for !

It's still not time for Christmas

Being off work today, this morning saw me accompanying my wife Michele to the local supermarket on our regular fortnightly trip to stock up. We were neither of us very pleased to see that the world and his wife were there, loading up their trollies like mad.

It appears that everybody's frightened that, as we get nearer to Christmas, the shops will run out of their favourite brand of toothpaste/cornflakes or whatever. To forestall such a catastrophe, they buy two or three times as much as usual - thus making shortages self-fufilling prophesies.

Come on everybody - there's nearly a month to go yet!

What will they think of next ?

On my way back from the supermarket this morning - I do know how to enjoy a day off(!) - I was rather amused by a van I saw pulling into somebody's driveway. The firm to which it belonged to was called " The Plastic Surgeon - Homecare".

I imagine this was some form of diy/decorating business, but the vision of a cosmetic surgeon popping round to give one a facelift in the comfort of one's own home left my mind rather boggling!

How Music changes through the Years *

When I was a teenager, buying music was pretty straightforward. You had a choice of two formats - cassette or vinyl and that was about it. All you really had to decide was what you wanted to buy.

It's not so straightforward now. I imagine that most pre-recorded music is purchased on CD. I'm not sure if cassettes are still available, but even if they are, why would you want one? I also know that, though I doubt if you'll see many on the high street, LPs have never really gone away. In fact at least one serious hi-fi buff i know prefers records to anything else, and he's probably not the only one. For a while, then, it's basically been a case of deciding what you want, then buying the appropriate compact disc. Fine, no problem there...

Problem is that there are new digital formats appearing, eg

1. SACD (Super Audio Compact Disc)
2. DVD-A ( DVD Audio)

I really would prefer it if we could avoid another format war. SACD v DVD-A brings to mind the VHS/Betamax wars, wherein the main loser was the poor old consumer...

As if this wasn't enough, if instead one elects to opt for music in the form of computer downloads, it's not much better. There's the ubiquitous MP3, Microsoft's own WMA and doubtless may other different formats.

Truly, the era of the LP was a simpler time - come to think of it, the album covers looked much nicer when 12 inch sized as well!

* Yes, I have taken the title from a musical lyric. It's from Queen's Radio GaGa.

A Breath of Fresh Air

This one's going to be somewhat contraversial I reckon...before I go any further I want to state that I have no problems with smokers as people, but I detest the habit itself.

A group of medical colleges led by the Royal College of Physicians have called on the government to introduce a ban on smoking in public. They feel that the risks to health associated with passive smoking have been proven to the point where the issue cannot be ignored.

At least one smoker I know - and he's a mate of mine so I'm NOT having a go at him - is prone when the subject of smoking bans comes up, to banging on about such being an "infringement of his human rights". Well, I reckon that I have a human right not to be poisoned by the by-products of this filthy practice which overrides that.

I suspect that our government will not act on the colleges' call, chiefly for fear of alienating people at a time when their popularity is not as high as they want. This, I feel, would be a mistake. Only slightly more than one in four of the UK population smoke, so there is every chance that the other three quarters of us would approve...

We'll have to see if anything happens.

Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land ...

Good Lord, we've actually won a world cup! Our rugby league team beat the Australians 20-17, winning thanks to a Jonny Wilkinson drop goal in extra team.

Well done lads, and I trust that this will be remembered come time for the New Year honours...

Bah, Humbug

I don't have a problem with Christmas. I'm not remotely religious, but enjoy the festive season as much as the next man. I do, however, deplore the tendency for it to start earlier and earlier each year...

It's bad enough that one of the local garden centres has been selling decorations and other festive fripperies since early October, but I noticed yesterday that outside our town hall there's a christmas tree all aglow with illuminations. Please, could we not wait until December ?

Ol' Dubya's in town

George Bush should be arriving imminenetly on the shores of our sceptred isle - well presumably he'll be touching down on Heathrow's grimy tarmac to be a little more specific.

He's not the first US president to visit us, although we've not had one on a state visit since 1918, and I'm sure many more will come here over the years ahead. However, I really don't think that this visit, at this time, is such a bright idea.

I've been to the 'states and people there really were very hospitable, so please don't assume that I'm on just another anti-American rant. Unfortunately, though, Mr Bush just isn't very popular over here. For sure he'll be warmly greeted by assorted politicians, civil service types and the like, but I wouldn't be at all surprised to see large scale protests and hope that, in that event, they don't get out of hand.

I'd also say that if the story currently doing the rounds suggesting that the main purpose of this visit is to provide TV footage to be used next year to get Dubya reelected has any validity that really is something which will stick in my craw.

Canine Progress Report

My last entry into this quasi-journal concerned Kane, our border collie. He'd just been diagnosed with osteo-arthritis and prescribed anti-inflammatories.

He's now been on the tablets for a couple of days and they are already making a difference. He's on restricted exercise for the rest of this week, after which he'll be able to carry on as his usual cantankerous self !

Just a Pet ?

A couple of days ago Kane, our 13 year-old Border Collie, had a tumble in the garden - basically his back legs just gave out. He picked himself up and after looking a little subdued for an hour or so he's been his usual self.

Obviously this concerned both myself and my wife somewhat and we made an appointment to take him to the vet this morning to be checked over. Despite the fact that Kane's been as active as ever since the fall, as we walked into the surgery with him I found that I was extremely nervous.

It turned out that he's got a degree of osteo-arthritis, which the vet described as normal wear-and-tear. Other than that he's in pretty good shape, so he's been prescribed anti-inflammatories which should help a lot.

To put it mildly, I was relieved at this diagnosis. To you he might be "just a dog", but to us he's family !

A Mystery of the Sea

I've just read that Britain has become the first nation to sign up to an international treaty aimed at protecting the wreck of the RMS Titanic. This can only be regarded as good news, though we need to remember that in another decade or two, there won't BE a wreck as it's deteriorating badly.

The thing about the ill-fated liner which I've never understood is how it came to pass that "salvage rights" over a British liner which sunk in international waters was awarded by an American court to ,surprise surprise, an American company. Hopefully we can now look forward to the wreck - which after all is a mass grave - being left in peace.

Let it go

We used to live in Brighton and very enjoyable it was too. Currently there's a lot of talk about the "restoration" of the town's West Pier. Whilst I think there would be something to be said in favour of the town having two piers, I feel that it's time for a reality check.

The fact of the matter is that there's not much left to restore. To my certain knowledge the structure's been derelict for years and, after two fires earlier this year, all that remains is some twisted rusty wreckage. It's my belief that it would be better to demolish these remains rather than build what realistically would be a reconstruction of the original Victorian pier.

Alternatively, if another pier is really seen as desirable, why not build a contemporary 21st century interpretation of the idea?

A La Carte Democracy?

I've been interested to see the protests by various groups over the weekend regarding proposed legislation currently going through parliament to ban hunting with dogs. Many of these groups are saying that if a ban is brought in then they will simply defy the law.

I accept that this is a complicated issue, but I believe that these people are the same ones who will be the first to turn to the law when it suits - for example, if faced by protesters, hunt-saboteurs and the like.

Whether they like it or not, we live in a democracy. As I understand it, the anti-hunting bill passed through the House of Commons on a free vote with a very large majority. You can't pick and choose as to which of the country's laws you will obey...

For the record, I do not particularly regard myself as anti-bloodsports. In fact, I do occasionally go fishing, which I presume is classified as a bloodsport.

Threads

"Threads" was a BBC drama originally shown in 1984. It chronicled the effects and aftermath of an all-out nuclear war, following the lives of a small group of people in Sheffield. It was shown a couple of days ago and, even though I've seen it before, I still found it absolutely horrific. I remember when it was originally screened, at which time I think a lot of us believed that it would probably happen sooner or later.

I suppose that as the Cold War has now moved from the newspapers to the history books, we're rather less likely to witness the atomic armageddon portrayed in the programme, however the danger of nuclear weapons being used has not gone away.

In 1945, the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki saw the only use of nuclear weapons. Eventually, I think that we'll see them used in anger again. In my opinion this is likely to follow one of two possible scenarios:

1. Terrorist Use :

The engineering of a primitive atomic bomb is, apparently, not that complicated. it's also far from impossible that a well-funded group might be able to "acquire" a military weapon, perhaps from one of the former Soviet Union.

2. Regional Conflict :

We've probably been closer to this than most of us realise. In 2002 India and Pakistan were very close to going to war over their Kashmir dispute. Both nations are nuclear powers...

Despite the somewhat gloomy tone of this article, I'm not actually a "ban-the-bomber". Much as it might be good if we could, I don't think you can uninvent something and the bomb's here to stay. This may sound horrible, but I even think that it's a "good" thing that the bomb's been used. Had the Hiroshima/Nagasaki bombs not been dropped, I'm convinced that there would have been a USA v. USSR nuclear exchange at some point during the Cold War, which would probably have resulted in many more deaths than those following the two atomic attacks on Japan.

Beware the ID(e)S of ,er, October !

He's gone then. Iain Duncan Smith has just lost a vote of confidence by 90 votes to 75.

Commentators are describing the speech he made earlier today to Tory MP's before the vote as the best of his career - surely a bit too late, in my opinion.

Best of luck to whoever emerges as the victor of what will be the conservatives' fourth leadership election in the last eight years. Mind you, commiserations might be the correct word, since it must be a rather thankless task trying to lead an unruly back-stabbing rabble who don't want to be led...

PS - still hope that it isn't Michael Howard.

On Working at Night

I've not long finished a week of working at night. This is something I've never done before and I have a few thoughts about the concept.

Basically, we're not nocturnal creatures. I found the working at night/sleeping during the daytime lifestyle felt very unnatural - by about midway through the week in question, I had no idea which day of the week it was, I really found myself feeling very disoriented indeed. Even by the end of this time I never really got used to sleeping during the day, either.

I know people who do shift/night work and some of them seem to cope well. However, I'm not one of them and I won't be sorry if it's something I don't have to face again any time soon.

Buzz off, butler Burrell

It's struck me over the last few days that ex-Princess Diana butler Paul Burrell is pushing things just a little too far in the hypocrasy department. I can't blame him for writing his book and making his millions - I'm fairly sure that I'd do the same in those circumstances - but could we see an end to all the rubbish about standing up for the princess, please.

You've sold your soul and that's all there is to be said.

So long, Tories

Stories in today's papers suggest that the conservative party leader Iain Duncan Smith can expect a visit from the men in grey suits during the coming week "advising" him to step down. Apparently it is felt that the most likely replacement for him is Michael Howard.

Apart from the fact that he seems very much one of yesterday's men, was he not the former leadership candidate described by Ann Widdecombe as having "something of the night" about him?

The Conservative Party surely does need a new leader, but I hope it won't be him.

I Want One .. NOW!

I'm currently working nights - not something I'm especially enamoured of. However, it's not all bad since I do get the time for a quiet surf around the wibbly wobbly web without needing to look over my shoulder in case my boss wanders past!

I've just done this and discovered that Lancia have unveiled a new Fulvia coupe at the Frankfurt Motor Show. It's absolutely stunning and would make a superb successor to my much-missed Beta Coupe.

Please Lancia, come back to the UK and sell that car here...

Goodbye, White Bird

It looks as if I'll not achieve one of my ambitions...I always wanted to fly on Concorde and as it's being retired from service tomorrow this is unlikely to happen.

Given that I've never set foot on the plane it may sound odd, but I'll miss it. I grew up living about eight miles away from Heathrow airport and have seen Concorde's futuristic form countless times but I still remember the first time I laid eyes upon it. I reckon I would have been about eight or nine years old and playing in the back garden when it flew overhead. Compared to the various ordinary airliners I saw all the time, this was in another league altogether.

I know that the plane was a commercial failure, but I maintain that it was a technological success of which everybody in England and, of course, France should be justifiably proud.

When will we see its like again?

Give Peace a Chance ...

I find the Ulster Unionist Party's failure to recognise verification of the IRA's latest act of decomissioning to be very concerning. General John de Chastelain, the head of the international decommisioning body has confirmed that the act has taken place - should that not be good enough?

I have no time whatsoever for the IRA, with some justification. Early on the morning of February 18th 1991 I was on my way to work, having just gone into Victoria tube station when there was a loud bang. The provos had bombed the mainline station I'd only just walked through and a commuter died as a result.

Notwithstanding my loathing for the terrorists, it does look as if they are genuinely trying to go along with the peace process. Surely this should be encouraged ?

Things ain't what they used to be

I've just heard that the prime minister has been admitted to hospital with an irregular heartbeat. Twenty years ago, this sort of thing would never have happened ..... As far as I'm aware, Margaret Thatcher never had a heart !

Living in a box

David Blaine has successfully completed his 44 days incarcerated in a perspex box without eating and I suppose I'm pleased for him.

Am I alone, though, in finding something distasteful (no pun intended) in this whole stunt? I've never gone without food even for a day, save only when I've been ill, but there are plenty of people in the world who aren't so lucky and this seems, to me, to belittle them.

"Those who forget history are condemned to repeat it"

I'm horrified to read that Dr Mahathir, the outgoing Malaysian Prime Minister in a speech to the Organisation of the Islamic Conference has called upon muslims to use brains as well as brawn to fight the Jews who, he says, "rule the world".

Dr Mahathir, as I understand it, the prophet Mohamed referred to Jews (and for that matter Christians) as Peoples of the Book, to be treated with consideration. Exactly how do your comments fit in with this, then?

Of course, we've heard this hateful nonsense before. It's very reminiscent of the lunatic mouthings of a failed Austrian would-be artist some 80 years ago and look at what he caused.

Betsygate Explained

After a little reflection, the reason behind the Iain Duncan Smith "Betsygate" row has become clear. A poll in one of the national papers a few weeks ago suggested that about half the people of Britain couldn't name the leader of the conservative party. I bet that quite a few more can do so now !

Heavens to Betsy !

Conservative party leader Iain Duncan Smith is to face further enquiries into the employment of his wife in his office as his diary secretary. Given that various factions in his party were already contemplating his downfall, I'd be very surprised to see him last much longer. It's not all bad news though - at least the Tories are likely to get nore publicity tomorrow than the government's programme it's just announced aimed at combatting anti-social behaviour.

Question is, who's next for the job ?

Please don't , Mr Martin.

I've just seen a report that Steve Martin's considering the lead role in an upcoming remake of "The Pink Panther". This seems to me to be another unneccessary remake of a perfectly enjoyable film. I'd be the first to agree that Steve Martin's very, very funny, but Peter Sellers surely long ago gave us the definitive Inspector Clouseau...why bother redoing it?

Congratulations..but

Michael Schumacher's just won a record breaking sixth Formula One drivers world-championship and, though I'm not a particular fan of his, credit where it's due, he deserves to be congratulated. However, is this a good thing for the sport?

Schumacher's now won the last four successive championships and I don't think it's coincidence that over this timeframe I've found myself watching ever fewer of the races. With the exception of a few enjoyable Grands-Prix, generally as a result of something going wrong, the races have got more and more dull to watch.

I don't know what the answer to this problem is and I don't think the Formula One bosses do either. I'd like to see a return to the sort of racing I enjoyed during the late 80s when it was quite possible that any one of four drivers - Mansell,Prost,Piquet or Senna would have been in with a good chance of making it to the finish line first, but there's not that much sign of this happening...

Mind Your Backs

Michael Portillo, commenting on rumoured plots to replace conservative party leader Iain Duncan Smith has said that he doesn't want the job.

In the same spirit of honesty I wish it be known that I don't want to win a large jackpot on the National Lottery....

Rules are Rules

England's football squad have backed away from threats to boycott the game against Turkey on Saturday in the wake of the Rio Ferdinand drugs test affair. I'm not a footie fan, all the same I'm pleased the game will go ahead.

However, I'm perplexed that there should ever have been a threat in the first place. It seems to me that the FA had no choice but to suspend Ferdinand after he failed to show up for a drugs test.

Rio says that he forgot as he was busy moving house, which may well be true. However, unless action is taken regarding this breach of the rules, what's to stop somebody else "forgetting" to attend a test when they really do have something to hide...

Dirty Den for PM !

So Arnold Schwartzenegger has been elected State Governor of California in yesterday's recall vote. This was held in response to general public dissatisfaction with the formerly incumbent governor and makes me wonder what would happen if we could do the same thing in Britain?

Of course, we don't have a governor, but we do have a currently not particularly popular Prime Minister. We don't have a Hollywood, either, but we do have our soap operas...

Iain Duncan Who ?

As the Conservative Party conference begins, leader Iain Duncan Smith has promised that they will win the next general election. I suppose that stranger things have happened, but I respectfully suggest that they've got their work cut out. After a news report on the TV about the Tories the other day, my wife, Michele, said " Oh, do they still exist then?" Fair question, I thought...

Personally, I think that we WILL have a new prime minister after, or perhaps even before, the next election. His name is Gordon Brown.

How d'ya figure that, Dubya?

Apparently, George Bush - and for that matter our own government - say that the failure to find any weapons of mass destruction fully vindicates the invasion of Iraq. I'm having real trouble getting my head round that one ...

Wot - no WMD?

Well then, after getting on for five months of searching, Saddam's weapons of mass destruction still haven't come to light. It's getting harder and harder to believe that the USA had any reason to invade Iraq, except perhaps to finish what Dubya's dad started. Shame that we had to get involved too...

The Ones that Get Away !

Recent research has apparently shown that fish, contrary to popular opinion, do have memory capacity. As a sometime angler, this comes as absolutely no surprise to me. I've known it for years because they've always remembered when I'm due to go fishing, at which point they go into hiding, thus avoiding any chance that I'll catch one !

Thankya, Dubya

A recent study by the International Institute of Strategic Studies, conducted for The Independent has estimated that, if British forces stay in Iraq for the next two years - as seems far from unlikely - then the cost of following the US into this part of Mr Bush's "war on terrorism" will reach somewhere in the region of £6 billion. This is equivalent of 2p added to the basic rate of income tax. I don't expect that direct taxation will rise, but I'm sure that in some way or another we'll all be paying for this increasingly ill-starred American adventure for years to come. Thanks - for nothing ...

Auntie, Please Stop Slurring

Once upon a time, broadcasters on the BBC were noted for the clarity of their speech. Sadly, those days appear to be well and truly over - I've noticed of late there are two particular mispronounciations that are occurring with ever-increasing frequency:

1. Properly is often pronounced as "proply"

and

2. Police often sounds more like "pleece"

I know that English is an evolving language, but this isn't evolution - it's just sloppiness.

Per Ardua ad Astra

Exactly fifteen years ago today, NASA resumed space shuttle flights after the horrific Challenger disaster of 1986. Now we find ourselves in the middle of another shuttle-flight hiatus following this year's equally tragic loss of Columbia. Perhaps it's time for a few reflections regarding manned spaceflight.

This is inherently very risky and it will inevitably cost more lives. Never forget though, that in a very real sense we come from the stars. The elements of which are bodies are composed were actually forged in the hearts of long-dead stars, therefore it is only right that one day we will want to go back.

In memory of every astronaut who lost his or her life in this quest for the future.

Hear Hear M'Lud

In 1997, a five year old boy strayed away from his mother during a school sports day, and went into a playground. There he played "Superman" on the swings and, predictably, fell off - unfortunately breaking his arm.

Earlier this year the parents took the school to court and were awarded £4000 damages. The school appealed against this and a high court judge has overturned the verdict and ordered the child's parents to pay the school's court costs.

To my mind, this is a good thing. We seem to be living in an increasingly litigious society and we're all paying the costs of this in ever-increasing insurance premiums. It's nice to see the application of a bit of good old-fashioned common sense...

Remember Remember ...

There's been a distinct autumnal nip in the air these last couple of days - hardly surprising as it's nearly the end of September! As it happens, I like autumn - season of mists and mellow fruitfulness, etc - but it's not all good news.

In just under six weeks time we have Guy Fawkes night to endure. Personally, I enjoy watching a good fireworks display, but can't see the pleasure in letting off a few in your own garden. It costs an arm and a leg for even a small display box and they hardly last for long either. I really think that it's time to confine this to organised displays only. Think how many needless injuries this could prevent...

Who does he think he is ?

Having recently had a pop at Labour ( Oi,Blunkett - NO! on 22/9/03) and the Liberal Democrats ( Remember What you're There For on 19/9/03 ) it's now time to turn my attention to the Conservatives...

David Willetts, the shadow work and pensions secretary, is worried that rising numbers of older people will have an adverse affect on economic gowth over the next half-century. See here for the full story.

This is a certainly going to be a problem which requires some consideration and, of course, Mr Willetts has an answer: he feels that we should have more children - presumably to supply a new generation of worker drones, whose purpose in life I must assume will be to support this "demographic timebomb" of a steadily ageing population.

The decision over whether or not to have children is for individuals alone to make. It is in no way something for a headline hunting opposition politician to pronounce upon. Mr Willetts may well be able to support a large family on his MP's salary, not to mention the rather nice pension arrangements our elected representatives have voted for themselves, but many of us do not have the same amount of fiscal support...

For the record, Mr Willetts, my wife and I neither have, nor want, any children ...

Oi, Blunkett - NO !

So, our not especially beloved home secretary would like us all to have compulsory ID cards. I'm totally against this - I carry all sorts of plastic around anyway, much of which shows exactly who I am, and really don't want any more.

Apparently it wouldn't be necessary to have the card with you at all times, which to my mind reduces its value a fair bit in any case. Presumably, any wrongdoer asked to pop down to the local cop-shop to show his card will resist the temptation to disappear instead, meekly trooping along to have his collar felt!

I have another practical objection to this half-baked idea. There will have to be a national database to hold all your ID information. In the event that it gets hacked into - and this WILL happen - your identity could be "stolen" and used to your detriment...

Remember what you're there for..

Next week the Liberal democrats troop down to Brighton, marking the start of the political party conference season. Could I take this opportunity to remind the delegates who will attend - not only this, but all the other conferences as well - that you aren't there for a jolly or to indulge in a few days' navel-contemplation. Your purpose should be to appeal to the likes of me - the floating voter - to decide the future course our country will follow. I know the next general election's not due for a while, but if it did happen now, my cross would, should such a thing be possible, go into the "none of the above" box. I'd be very surprised if I'm the only one who feels this way, and that can't be a good thing...

We Are The Champions !

Congratulations to the Sussex cricket team. They've won the championship at last !

Of Course They Should Prosecute

There's a report on the BBC about a house in Lancashire from which the RSPCA have just rescued more than 250 animals from the most appalling conditions. Apparently they are now considering whether or not to prosecute those responsible. THROW THE BOOK AT THEM...

Was God's Dad Egyptian ?

This isn't as far-fetched as it sounds.

As far as I'm aware, the first monotheistic religion arose around 1340 BC in ancient Egypt. Around that time the 18th dynasty's "heretic pharoah" Akhenaten changed Egypt's religion, with its vast and colourful panoply of deities, to worship solely of the Aten, or solar disc. However, soon after Akhenaten died, Egypt reverted to its ancient religious practices.

Now go forward fifty to a hundred years or so. Egypt's empire has just about reached its zenith, under two of its greatest rulers - the early 19th dynasty pharoahs, Seti I, followed by his son Ramses II. Egypt's polytheistic culture is largely as it's been for centuries and Akhenaten and his new religion are officially forgotten.

However, this appears to be about the time when the exodus of the Hebrews from Egypt on their journey to Israel began. It's interesting that just a couple of generations after Egypt's religious upheaval, another monotheistic religion comes to prominence and I can't help but wonder if it's just coincidence...

Is Imitation the sincerest form of Flattery?

I've just seen the trailer for the recent Hollywood remake of the Italian Job. It left me wondering why they bothered. The original film is a classic - I've seen it umpteen times, still enjoy it and fail to see why it needed to be "updated". I realise that some of the humour is a bit "British", but I can manage to enjoy many American comedies - surely our transatlantic cousins don't find our sense of humour THAT impenetrable?

9-11 Two Years On

It's exactly two years ago that Al-Qaeda struck the heart of New York. I can vividly remember sitting in the office that afternoon and being shocked as the news came in, indeed I think this will become an event that people will always recall in the way that older generations remember hearing about the assassination of President Kennedy. Incidentally, I personally don't remember what I was doing when that news story broke, probably because I was just under seven months old at the time!

Let's take stock of what's happened since then. The invasion of Afghanistan I can more or less understand - I do think that the Taliban was aiding Al-Qaeda and can see a justification for the action. To my mind, 9/11 did, after all amount to an act of war. However, the invasion of Iraq I do have a problem with. Whatever weapons of mass destruction Saddam Hussein may or may not have had, I do not believe that his regime was involved in the World Trade Center attack. This begs the question, why did The US invade Iraq and I can think of two possible answers;

1. It's a revenge thing - After Bush senior's Iraq war he lost the subsequent presidential election. Does his son see this as unfinished business?

2. This is the one I think is for the conspiracy theorists. The 9/11 hijackers, were, as Bin Laden himself is, Saudi Arabian. Could it possibly be that the US is contemplating action against the Saudis? Having access to Iraq's enormous oilfields would sure come in handy ...

I can see some laudable aims in a US attempt to impose a "Pax Americana". However, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I fear this course of action could bring more tragedies, not less.

Towards a United States of Europe?

I note that we can expect more debate on the future of the EU, following the publication of an outline for its development, the "Convention on the Future of Europe". Given that neither of our two main political parties seem over enthusiastic for further European integration, I expect we'll have little constructive to add to the debate.

This, in my opinion, is a shame. The world, like it or not, has one global superpower - the United States. Perhaps a strongly united Europe might, in my opinion, form a useful counterbalance. Unfortunately, since the acrimony preceding the Iraq invasion, I fear that in political terms most of Europe wouldn't listen to anything we have to say, much less agree with us even if we do try to be positive...

It's My Trumpet and I'll Blow it if I Want to !

Just participated in the BBC's Test The Nation general knowledge quiz - allegedly the world's biggest quiz - anywhere, ever. I must say I'm pleased with my result - 62/70, a quiz quotient of 139, putting me in the top 1%. Mind you, all I think it proves is that I read too much and should get out more !

UPDATE I may need to curb the trumpet playing a bit. I saw a friend whilst walking our dogs this morning and he's beaten me - 64/70 - GIT !

This Man Needs his Head Examined

I'm saddened to hear that in Essex yesterday, one Nicholas Geri won a local council bye-election for the loathsome BNP. What I find surprising to find out is that he's the grandson of an immigrant. Surely he should want nothing to do with that party, much less represent it ?

What is Britishness anyway?

In the news yesterday were government proposals requiring immigrants applying for British citizenship to face a "Britishness" test. This would contain questions on a wide range of topics covering life in the UK, from principles of parliamentary democracy to youth culture. I personally do not have a problem with this idea, however I do wonder how many of us who were born here would fail the test if we were required to sit it !

Freezer bag broken ?

Looks as if the QinetiQ1 high-altitude flight could be off - possibly due to problems with the balloon's envelope. I hope they resolve this quickly, but it's likely that anything more than a brief hold-up could take them past the end of this years weather window. Best of luck guys...

UPDATE: It does look as if the balloon's envelope is damaged - irreparably - and the record attempt's off for the forseeable future.

The Happiest Days of Our Lives

Around this time of year thousands of children will go to school for the first time. I still remember my first day, though I've no recollection of a story my mum tells, wherein she brought me home at the end of that day and I assumed that was it - I'd been to school, and didn't need to go again !

I'm glad, of course, that I did! Before very long they started to teach me what I believe is the most important thing of all - reading. I took to this in a big way and if there's a cure for the habit - I don't want it!

I did enjoy school pretty much all the way through. I received what I reckon was a very good education and I was lucky enough to have some very good teachers. As I look back over it all now, I'd like to thank them...

The World's Highest Freezer Bag ?

As I write, two British balloonists are making their final preparations for an attempt on the world manned balloon altitude record. Andy Elson and Colin Prescot hope to take their balloon QinetiQ 1 to an altitude of over 130,000 feet - which at 25 miles, is half way to space by the USAF definition.

Doing this in a open platform, suspended below an enormous gasbag made of a material with the consistency of a domestic freezer-bag must require a special brand of courage. Mind you, it must be worth it for the view as you look down. I've gone to about 3000ft in a hot air balloon and that was impressive enough, but this will be in another league altogether!

Fly High, guys !

Leave Auntie alone !

The poor old BBC seems to be catching it from all sides at the moment. We have the ongoing row with Downing Street/the Government over the "Iraq dossier" currently playing itself out through the Hutton inquiry and the Conservative Party have comissioned their own review into the Beeb's future - led by former Channel 5 head David Elstein.

Since neither of the country's two main political parties seem to be BBC fans, it seems to me that the venerable broadcaster's doing just fine ...

Can Happen Here ...

Twice recently, I've posted regarding the possibility of New York-style major power failures in this country - see my postings on 24th & 19th of August for details. Now it would appear that I was right. Large parts of London and the South East of England have just lost their electricity supplies.

As a former commuter, I really feel for those who currently won't be able to get home....

X billion years of evolution - to get to this?

Like all responsible dog-owners, I clear up after my beast. Imagine, then, my displeasure a couple of days ago when I walked over to the poo bin in my local park, gently steaming bag in hand, to find that some of our local idiots had set fire to said receptacle, melting the plastic lid tight shut!

Believe me, it's not pleasant getting downwind of those bins, so I really do have grave doubts about the sanity of anybody doing something like this just for "kicks"...

Mind you, I'm afraid there's worse in these parts. A new pastime adopted by some of these demented yobs - presuming it's the same morons, as seems likely - is setting fire to kittens underneath cars. Apparently our local police think they know who's responsible and may be writing letters to them ....let's not over-react, yeah?

Go Alonso !

Just watched Fernando Alonso win the Hungarian Formula One Grand Prix after an incredible drive. Not only had he led for virtually all the race after qualifying on pole position, he had the rare experience of lapping five-times world champion Michael Schumacher in the process...

All this, and he's only twenty-two !

Can't Happen Here - revisited

Following my speculation posted last Tuesday as to whether we might face power cuts like those which recently afflicted parts of Canada and the USA, I wasn't too pleased to read this story in today's Sunday Times...

Is There Anybody (else) Out There?

Walking my dog tonight, I was quite struck by the clear sky - dominated low in the South-East by Mars shining ruddily. That planet, our celestial second nearest neighbour, is due to be visited by a number of spacecraft over the next year or so - wouldn't it be marvellous if one of them found signs of life having existed there?

Ever since the very first glimmerings of my interest in astronomy, I've wondered whether there's life out there somewhere. I truly hope we'll find the answer to that question during my lifetime - perhaps my wish will be granted...

Long Live Rock and Roll!

A BBC report states that dance and pop music are losing popularity in comparison to good old guitar-style rock. This must mean that I'm a real trendsetter - I was listening to this stuff twenty-odd years ago and never stopped. It's very gratifying to see !

The Next Giant Leap?

A little over thirty years ago, America's Apollo programme was in full swing. I was a schoolboy at the time and lapped up everything about the "space race" I could find. Then, our future exploration of space seemed assured. We would be on Mars by the '80s, the shuttle was coming, space stations would circle the globe and space tourism would be commonplace. It didn't happen...

Fast forward to today and we're little further ahead. Space stations there have been and still are, albeit on a very much smaller scale than the orbital behemoths then expected. The shuttle's here too, though it's also rather a compromised craft. Tragically, of course, it's currently grounded in the wake of the Columbia disaster.

It's just possible though to peer a little way into the future and construct a more promising scenario. It's likely that China will launch her first astronauts soon, perhaps within the next couple of months. Maybe, just maybe, this Sino space-programme could trigger a new wave of exploration.

Consider the parallels - the moon landing programme was a product of the Cold War. There's no cold war as such between China and the United States, but with one the world's only superpower and the other emerging as one, it's no great feat of imagination to envisage rivalry in a field of endeavour which could well become the next military "high-ground" ... the spin-offs of such activities could be literally out of this world!

The Power of Blog

Towards the end of my last post, I asked the spammers inundating my inbox if they could provide me with a little variety in the products they advertise. Demonstrating the power of blogging (!) this appears to have happened as this morning I've received offers to sell me a keychain breathalyzer.

Why I would want to breathalyze my keychain remains, of course a mystery!

Calling all Spammers

An open letter:

Dear Spammers

Please be informed that I do not want any of the following:

1. Free government money - there ain't no such thing as free and I'm not a US national anyway

2. Drugs - prescription or otherwise

3. Mortgages or other loans - I've already got enough of those, thanks

4. Anything whatsoever to do with repatriating huge sums of money from Nigeria/Zimbabwe/wherever, in whatever continent - I'm not THAT stupid, I'm afraid

5. Dubious invitations to watch dubious people doing dubious things via the privacy of their own webcams - that one's been the hardest to write and still keep clean !

6. Enlargements to any portion of my anatomy - again, I'm not that stupid

This isn't remotely a full list, it's based on the unwanted contents of my inbox over the last couple of days. I get somewhere in the region of 60 or more of these pieces of online ordure a day and whilst I'm well aware that this little rant won't make the slightest bit of difference, I feel much better for writing it!

PS Dear Spammers - if you must persist with your incessant bombardment of my inbox, please

a. Learn to use something approximating to the Queen's English - some of your messages would make it impossible for me to get the gist of whatever unwanted wares you are hawking even if I was interested

and

b. Find some different products - variety is, after all, the spice of life !

Failing this, I sincerely hope that you all contract something along the lines of Marburg fever ( go and look it up, morons) - it has an affinity for attacking the testicles, of which you guys talk plenty...

I remain

Yours faithfully

Neil

Can't happen here?

Last week's power outages in the US of A and Canada have left me pondering- what if it happens here? We have a privatised energy industry and if you compare this to our rail network, we could be in deep trouble. Look at the similarities:

As far as we know, it seems to have been the case that the original faults in the US were exacerbated by what's been described as a "third world power grid" , which had suffered from years of underinvestment.

Over here, after privatisation, the railway infrastructure - surely analogous to a power grid - has suffered years of underinvestment, the costs of correcting which have already been such that, with the work barely started, the company in charge of the tracks - Railtrack - was bankrupted.

Is there a pattern discernable here?

Male and Female created He them ...

OK, so it's Friday evening and countless numbers are preparing for a night out. This happy thought leads me on to one of life's great mysteries - ladies, why do you insist on going to the ,er, powder room in company - are there dragons in there or what? We blokes would love to think that you go there to talk about us, but I'm sure that's not it ...

Dinosaurs - and commuters..

The BBC have run a fairly good series over the last few years called "Walking with Dinosaurs" which did well enough to spin off a couple of follow-ups.

During last week it was my misfortune to commute up to London and back during the rush hour for a couple of days and the horrendous behaviour of the regular commuters when the train pulled into the station has given me the idea for one more series in the set.

The last one was entitled "Walking with Cavemen" and I would like to propose that this be rounded out by "Walking with Businessmen"...

We don't need no educayshun?

On the TV news this morning was the announcement of record successes in the A-level exams taken a couple of months ago. Two days ago, Channel 4's fascinating TV programme "That'll Teach 'Em" contained the statement that English grammar hardly features in the current day school curriculum. Is it just me or do these two statements not sit well together?

On the Blaster worm

I work in the IT industry, and this gives me a fairly jaundiced view of Micro$oft's products and practices. However a little reflection on the currently raging "MSblast/Love You San/whatever name it's now using" worm leads me to think that this one shouldn't be blamed on Billy Gates's boys. Yes, the worm exploits a Windows security hole, but there's been a MS patch available for at least a couple of weeks now. Apply it, keep your antivirus product up to date and , regardless of whether you use broadband or dial-up, use a firewall of some kind and you need not worry.

There's actually a very useful article on The Microsoft website about this - you can see it here.

The ClarkNet has landed!
Well, after a couple of months trying to decide whether to climb on board this phenomenon, I've decided to have a bash at blogging. I may incorporate this into our "official" personal website The Clarknet or it might just be a scratchpad for anything on my mind. Wait and see ...