An open letter:
Dear Spammers
Please be informed that I do not want any of the following:
1. Free government money - there ain't no such thing as free and I'm not a US national anyway
2. Drugs - prescription or otherwise
3. Mortgages or other loans - I've already got enough of those, thanks
4. Anything whatsoever to do with repatriating huge sums of money from Nigeria/Zimbabwe/wherever, in whatever continent - I'm not THAT stupid, I'm afraid
5. Dubious invitations to watch dubious people doing dubious things via the privacy of their own webcams - that one's been the hardest to write and still keep clean !
6. Enlargements to any portion of my anatomy - again, I'm not that stupid
This isn't remotely a full list, it's based on the unwanted contents of my inbox over the last couple of days. I get somewhere in the region of 60 or more of these pieces of online ordure a day and whilst I'm well aware that this little rant won't make the slightest bit of difference, I feel much better for writing it!
PS Dear Spammers - if you must persist with your incessant bombardment of my inbox, please
a. Learn to use something approximating to the Queen's English - some of your messages would make it impossible for me to get the gist of whatever unwanted wares you are hawking even if I was interested
and
b. Find some different products - variety is, after all, the spice of life !
Failing this, I sincerely hope that you all contract something along the lines of Marburg fever ( go and look it up, morons) - it has an affinity for attacking the testicles, of which you guys talk plenty...
I remain
Yours faithfully
Neil